In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
