The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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