Whod you bang
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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