sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
