so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
