My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
