we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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