Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I think my vagina is haunted
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
