You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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