Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
