she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
