i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
