So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Slut skills are useful in every country.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
you're hired as official boob wrangler
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
