This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
