i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
