i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
