I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Randomize
