Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
