you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Randomize
