I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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