i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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