I molested 6 butterflies tonight
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
