Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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