Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
