you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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