Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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