If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
