Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Every concussion has its silver lining
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
