what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
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Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
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Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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