I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
