yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
