I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
