This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
