i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
