Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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