i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
