Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
