$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
