Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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