I want to have your abortion
you traded sex for a burrito?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize