i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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