Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Be still, my beating vagina.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
