That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
