Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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