I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
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