thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
