well you can't waste a boner
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
