she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
