Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
