I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
