I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
