I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
