He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
