new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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