I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
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