So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
