I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
