I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
