It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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