you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize