I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
