u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
We need to rekindle our bromance
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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