Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
