i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
