I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
