operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
