I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
