maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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