Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
