he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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