There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
