party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
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he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
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My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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