and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
