rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
