he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
