i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
don't judge my taste in strippers
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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