i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
