Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
