I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
