I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
