I just threw up on my dentist
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
