youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Let's paint friendship bongs
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Bring me that man meat
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
