Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
