Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
