Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Randomize
