i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
